Do you have a passion for high-paid, high-impact journalism? Do you wish to make a real difference in state, national, or international politics? Is Rupert Murdoch a close, personal, and terminally confused friend of yours?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are certainly in the wrong place. You must have fallen into the depths of the Internet somehow and landed here. We apologize; allow us to offer you a kindly redirection.

Here are the real interview questions: Are you up-to-date on your tetanus shots? Do you have at least a passing interest in racing, a little knowledge of cars, and basic literacy? How do you feel about bartering in lieu of payment?

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