Tuesday, April 2, 2013

March Crapness: Sweaty Sixteen (April 2)

Today marks the last day with four matchups as we wrap up the the Third Round. Keep in mind that the winners of the today's first two matchups will compete again tomorrow in the Trashed Tranny and Wrecked Rod Regional Finals.

We stop counting votes at 10 a.m. EST tomorrow.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We'll be using Google for the polls from now on. You may notice that you can vote multiple times. DON'T DO THIS. We get a log of all vote and WILL NOT COUNT ANY VOTES WHERE YOU'VE STUFFED THE BALLOT BOXES (even though we live near Chicago).]

Go to the March Crapness tab for the full rundown, up-to-date bracket and schedule.

Read the introduction to March Crapness here.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for updates. Tweet about March Crapness using the hashtag #crapness.

[Extra-special thanks to Murilee Martin for assisting with many of the photos. All photos as credited.]

Anton Lovett (1) vs. Team Tinyvette (4)

Anton Lovett - Your Car

Anton Lovett won the LeMons Drivers' Championship in 2012 by a wide margin, but he's as renowned for his wrenching abilities as his skill  behind the wheel. (Murilee Martin photo)
Traveling across the country to race in crapcans is something many teams and drivers wish to do, but Anton Lovett has done it regularly since carting the One Night Stand Endurance Team (ONSET) Chevy Cavalier wagon from his home state of California to the Detroit race in 2007, bringing home an Index of Effluency. ONSET eventually went away, but Lovett has continued to drive with other teams since, earning two National Drivers' Championships and a substantial LeMons hardware collection along the way while driving dozens of absolutely wretched and insane entries. He's been part of far too many Indexes of Effluency to count, but he did win a Heroic Fix trophy for himself by helping two teams make major repairs in the same weekend.
Resume: There's at least a 50 percent chanced Lovett has driven or fixed your car.
First Round: def. POS Racing 79-64 
Second Round: def. Tiger's Wood PGA Racing 80-78

Team Tinyvette -Opel GT

The Class C powerhouse Tinyvette absolutely looks fast and its obsessively overkill operators even ran aerodynamic simulations comparing their heap to a stock Opel GT. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team Tinyvette's working 3:5 scale model of Pratt and Miller's famous Compuware Corvette has earned its keep by winning Index of Effluency and capturing two Class C wins. It also became the first LeMons car to run at Bonneville Speed Week. In their spare time, the Tinyvette's owners have written overwrought race analysis, put the Opel on exhibit at the California Auto Museum, daydreamed about entering 11 Opel GTs in one race and created a mini-meme.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Class C Wins, 1 Index of Effluency
First Round: def. MRolla 62-24
Second Round: def. Team LemonAid 83-15

The Cannonball Bandits (1) vs. Team -Ing With Bad Ideas (12)

The Cannonball Bandits -Toyota Supra, Toyota Corolla FX16

The Cannonball Bandits bring a sense of well-planned absurdity and a refreshing disregard for political correctness to racing. They're also reasonably fast on the track, but have typically finished mid-pack. (Murilee Martin photo)

In their latest incarnation, the Bandits raise money for charity with their Rockstar Toyota Supra while hanging out scantily clad in the paddock area (At your own risk, see an example here.). It's a sight to behold, but the four-time Organizer's Choice winners have exhibited a great spirit for excellent themes, from the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile replica to a tribute to Tiger Woods' fidelity issues to the border-crashing Canadian-trafficking "box truck" and complementary Border Patrol car. This team's passion for ridiculousness may be unparalleled in the crapcan world.

Resume: A well-earned reputation for turning LeMons into a circus
First Round: def.Eyesore Racing 106-61
Second Round: def. Team Sensory Assault 105-29

Team -Ing With Bad Ideas - Volkswagen Beetle

The Scrubbing Bubbles Beetle became one of the most-traveled LeMons with two trips across the country in 2012. Results were mixed, but Mike Kimball cemented his reputation as a crazy man in the process. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team -Ing's perpetrator, Mike Kimball, is known as Crazymike in the LeMons community. While it may be a self-chosen forum name, Kimball has definitely earned it. In June 2012, Kimball towed the Scrubbing Bubbles-themed turbocharged Beetle from his home in Sacramento for a small crap-cation to Eagles Canyon Raceway near Dallas for a 24-hour race where he absolutely stomped the Class C competition. From there, he headed north to High Plains Raceway in Colorado--where the race results were less-than-stellar--before going home. As if that weren't enough, he headed back to Eagles Canyon six months later, where he promptly nuked a few air-cooled motors. Did we mention that his tow vehicle is a Vanagon?

Resume: LeMons - 1 Class C Win; About 3000 miles of towing behind a Vanagon
First Round: def. Skid Marks Racing 165-139
Second Round: def. Angry Hamsters Racing 37-24

Team Petty Cash (1) vs. Duct Tape Motorsports (5)

Team PettyCash - Jeep Cherokee

A Jeep isn't the most logical choice for a road racer, some might say. Others on the Internet will claim that it should tip over at ever corner. PettyCash has proven naysayers wrong and their Cherokee has held up to the punishment of endurance racing. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team Petty Cash may have never won a race outright, but they're one of the best-known and most respected teams. And they race a freaking Jeep Cherokee on road courses. They've earned an Index of Effluency award for their troubles and also taken home a very messy I Got Screwed trophy from an unfortunate incident involving poor pre-stint food choices (Red Vines are not great for endurance racing, believe it or not). The team also runs a Jeep at King of Hammers, which is awesome.

Resume: LeMons - 4 Top Ten finishes, 1 Index of Effluency, 1 Class C win
First Round: def. Sputnik 145-26
Second Round: def. California Mille 122-19

Duct Tape Motorsports -BMW E30, BMW 2002tii

Duct Tape Motorsports go to great lengths to bring a well-prepared car to their races, having shaken down their heap with extensive testing. The complement that nicely with a roster of hotshoes that has included pro driver Mike Skeen. (Murilee Martin photo)
New Jersey's Duct Tape Motorsports possess a long line of credentials, but maybe what's most impressive is that their E30 doesn't have any of BMW's hot-rod six-cylinder motors. They run a simple four-cylinder, base-model E30 (along with a battered old BMW 2002) and have won not only a very competitive LeMons race at New Jersey Motorsports Park, but they also captured a win at the 25-1/2 hour slog around Nelson Ledges at ChumpCar's October 2011 race. How do they do it? Practice, both on the track and in the driveway.

Resume: ChumpCar: 1 Overall Win, 2 Top Tens; LeMons - 1 Overall Win, 4 Top Tens
First Round: def. Model T GT 98-46
Second Round: def. Launcha Splatos 49-31

POLL REDACTED. It appears that this poll and only this poll was spammed. Updates coming shortly.

Killer ZomBee (8) vs. Tunachuckers (4)

Killer ZomBee -MG MGB

The ZomBee really does resemble the undead from certain angles. Many have tried to campaign British metal in crapcan racing, but none have succeeded in the way that Pete Peterson has. (Murilee Martin photo)
What can you say about Pete Peterson's weary old MGB? It famously flipped but was rescued by Peterson's magic hammer and has since gone on to win Index of Effluency and Class C at separate races. His ZomBee also earned the 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year award. The best part is...well, there are a lot of best parts: The car is Peterson's daily driver, the motor is borrowed, its tow/pit support vehicle is a crappy RV named Brownie, Peterson has driven the MG more than 900 miles to race it and--perhaps most frighteningly--it's a British car that runs most of the time.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Index of Effluency, 1 Class C Win, 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year, Peterson's daily driver
First Round: def. Team Operation 58-3
Second Round: def. Keystone Kops 104-76

Tunachuckers -Volvo Amazon, Ford LTD

Does the oil rig pump oil to or from the engine? And where does it go to/come from? The Tunachuckers confuse us, but they also entertain us. (Murilee Martin photo)

South Carolina's Tunachuckers took Robin Bank's Scandinavian ethos a step farther: Saabs 900s are too modern for the 'chuckers; they preferred a Volvo Amazon. And once they killed that (for good; it failed at dying at least once), they ditched it for a land-yacht-caliber, two-E30s-wide, mid-1970s Ford LTD. Because torque. They're also renowned for extraordinary feats of paddock transportation and LeMons-caliber fabrication.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Indexes of Effluency
First Round: def. Team Infiniti 31-12
Second Round: def. Formula Roadster 34-21


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  2. So sad to see the illustrious Tunachuckers bow out. Live long, race hard 'chuckers!

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