Monday, April 8, 2013

March Crapness: Effluent Eight/Regional Finals

Today sees the matchups that determine the March Crapness Regional Winners. Happy voting!

We stop counting votes at 10 a.m. EST tomorrow.

[Editor's Note: If you run into any trouble, contact and I'll look into it ASAP.]

Go to the March Crapness tab for the full rundown, up-to-date bracket and schedule.

Read the introduction to March Crapness here.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for updates. Tweet about March Crapness using the hashtag #crapness.

[Extra-special thanks to Murilee Martin for assisting with many of the photos. All photos as credited.]

Team Tinyvette (4) vs. Three Pedal Mafia (10)

Team Tinyvette -Opel GT

The Class C powerhouse Tinyvette absolutely looks fast and its obsessively overkill operators even ran aerodynamic simulations comparing their heap to a stock Opel GT. (Murilee Martin photo)
Team Tinyvette's working 3:5 scale model of Pratt and Miller's famous Compuware Corvette has earned its keep by winning Index of Effluency and capturing two Class C wins. It also became the first LeMons car to run at Bonneville Speed Week. In their spare time, the Tinyvette's owners have written overwrought race analysis, put the Opel on exhibit at the California Auto Museum, daydreamed about entering 11 Opel GTs in one race and created a mini-meme.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Class C Wins, 1 Index of Effluency
First Round: def. MRolla 62-24
Second Round: def. Team LemonAid 83-15
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Anton Lovett 135-101 

Three-Pedal Mafia - Honda Civic Wagovan, Sea Sprite (Chevy S10), Rolls Royce

After some races behind the wheel of a Honda Civic Wagovan, Three-Pedal Mafia upped the ante by dropping a boat hull over a Chevy S10 frame. It's not a fast combination, but the S10 has proved itself unexpectedly reliable several times over in crapcan racing. (Murilee Martin photo)
Chevy S10s have done well in the Index of Effluency hunt and Three-Pedal Mafia's S10 is no exception...except it is because the team pitched its silly truck bodywork and the S10 frame is instead clad with a 1971 Sea Sprite. The boat and its nautically themed crew sailed it to an IOE at New Jersey Motorsports Park and allegedly forayed into the experimental sport of paddockskiing (No longer allowed, according to the LeMons fun police). Next up on Three Pedal's plate: A Rolls Royce for 2013.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Index of Effluency  
First Round: def. Time Travelers of Doom 47-10
Second Round: def. Bucksnort Racing 61-15
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Tetanus Racing 123-116 

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to a strange redirect issue involving this poll's HTML, we are resetting and replacing this with a differently coded poll. The current results (Tinyvette 42, Three Pedal Mafia 64) will be added to the total from the new poll. This is due to a quirk of the HTML; the results thus far have been accurate.]

Team Tinyvette vs. Three Pedal Mafia free polls 

The Cannonball Bandits (1) vs. Cerveza Racing (15)

The Cannonball Bandits -Toyota Supra, Toyota Corolla FX16

The Cannonball Bandits bring a sense of well-planned absurdity and a refreshing disregard for political correctness to racing. They're also reasonably fast on the track, but have typically finished mid-pack. (Murilee Martin photo)

In their latest incarnation, the Bandits raise money for charity with their Rockstar Toyota Supra while hanging out scantily clad in the paddock area (At your own risk, see an example here.). It's a sight to behold, but the four-time Organizer's Choice winners have exhibited a great spirit for excellent themes, from the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile replica to a tribute to Tiger Woods' fidelity issues to the border-crashing Canadian-trafficking "box truck" and complementary Border Patrol car. This team's passion for ridiculousness may be unparalleled in the crapcan world.

Resume: A well-earned reputation for turning LeMons into a circus
First Round: def.Eyesore Racing 106-61
Second Round: def. Team Sensory Assault 105-2
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Team -Ing With Bad Ideas 162-141

Cerveza Racing - BMW E28, Porsche 944, Volkswagen Beetle

Many people overlook the BMW 5-Series as a road racer, but the Cerveza crew have maximized the platform's potential with a slew of consecutive victories and a resounding Western Regional Championship in 2012. (Murilee Martin photo)

In 2012, Cerveza Racing accomplished something that only Hong Norrth had done previously in LeMons: Won three consecutive races they entered. Unlike Hong Norrth, Cerveza campaigns their BMW E28 in the much-more-top-heavy West Region. In the only California race they didn't win in 2012, they finished runner-up to Eyesore Racing. In just seven races, Cerveza has cemented themselves among the elite crapcan teams while running the "most interesting car in the world."

Resume: LeMons - 4 Overall Wins, 8 Top Tens
First Round: def. Race Hard Race Ugly 27-4
Second Round: def. Bust-A-Nut 30-23
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Team Bear Patrol 77-57

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to a strange redirect issue involving this poll's HTML, we are resetting and replacing this with a differently coded poll. The current results (Cannonball Bandits 45, Cerveza 13) will be added to the total from the new poll. This is due to a quirk of the HTML; the results thus far have been accurate.]

Cannonball Bandits vs. Cerveza Racing free polls 

NSF Racing (11)

NSF Racing - Plymouth Fury, Plymouth Barracuda, Mercedes 170, Mercedes 6.9, Dodge Aries, Honda CRX, Chrysler Saratoga...Basically, all of the cars 

NSF Racing loves the old Mopar and their decrepit Plymouth Fury limped its way to an Index of Effluency and occasionally to the LeMons Penalty Box, mostly for the car itself just being dangerous. (Murilee Martin photo)

NSF remind us that, like YouTube, LeMons has a weird section that people periodically stumble into. NSF started out innocently with some econoboxes before diving headfirst into that aforementioned weird part. Characteristics of NSF entries may include (but are not limited to): decrepit, obscure, dangerous, awesome and on fire. Maybe the most impressive initiative on their very long resume is passing on their K-Car wagon in a sort of Sisterhood of the Traveling Fails manner...not that we've read that book or cried at seen the movie or anything.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Class Wins, 2 Indexes of Effluency
First Round: def. Nutjob Racing 43-10
Second Round: def. MR2 Biohazard 58-24
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Rally Baby 233-161

[Editor's Note: Due to some unfortunate circumstances, NSF Racing has been announced the Trashed Tranny Regional Winner.]

Killer ZomBee (8) vs. Schumacher Taxi Service (3)

Killer ZomBee -MG MGB

The ZomBee really does resemble the undead from certain angles. Many have tried to campaign British metal in crapcan racing, but none have succeeded in the way that Pete Peterson has. (Murilee Martin photo)

What can you say about Pete Peterson's weary old MGB? It famously flipped but was rescued by Peterson's magic hammer and has since gone on to win Index of Effluency and Class C at separate races. His ZomBee also earned the 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year award. The best part is...well, there are a lot of best parts: The car is Peterson's daily driver, the motor is borrowed, its tow/pit support vehicle is a crappy RV named Brownie, Peterson has driven the MG more than 900 miles to race it and--perhaps most frighteningly--it's a British car that runs most of the time.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Index of Effluency, 1 Class C Win, 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year, Peterson's daily driver
First Round: def. Team Operation 58-3
Second Round: def. Keystone Kops 104-76 
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Tunachuckers 166-43

Schumacher Taxi Service -Toyota CoROLLa, Toyota MR2, Chevy Citation X-11, BMW E30, Mazda Miata, Ford Crown Victoria

Schumacher Taxi Service retired the venerable CoROLLa at the end of the 2012 season after more races than we can count, a minor rollover, a handful of liveries, an overall win and a hell of a lot of fun. They'll carry on racing with an E30 and Mustang in 2013. (Murilee Martin photo)
Schumacher Taxi Service's original CoROLLa FX16 recently entered retirement after well more than a dozen crapcan races (probably more like 20), including a race win at Sebring in ChumpCar. In addition, the team has raced all over the eastern half of the country entering whatever they can get their hands on: a Miata, an MR2, an E30, a skeletal Crown Victoria and a brake-fire-tastic Citation X-11. The length and breadth of their crapcan experience defies brevity and reason, but the Schumacher crew(s) are a staple of  both crapcan series.

Resume: ChumpCar - 1 Overall Win, 7 Top Tens; LeMons - 5 Top Tens, 1 Index of Effluency
First Round: def. Ferdinand... 21-8
Second Round: def. SHOtime 64-16
Sweaty Sixteen: def. Crushed Red Pepper 49-47

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to a strange redirect issue involving this poll's HTML, we are resetting and replacing this with a differently coded poll. The current results (ZomBee 25, Schumacher 10) will be added to the total from the new poll. This is due to a quirk of the HTML; the results thus far have been accurate.]

Killer ZomBee vs. Schumacher Taxi Service free polls 


  1. There's just somethin' about that ZomBee.

  2. We, at NSF, find it more than 'unfortunate' that someone else's cheat'n done backfired and won us some bracketz. Danke schoen!

  3. Oh, and vote 3 Pedal Mafia and Schumacher Taxi Service!