Sunday, March 31, 2013

March Crapness: Second Round (March 31)

Happy Secular Spring Holiday Day! Enjoy it by filling out your votes for the last matchups of the Second Round!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We'll be using Google for the polls from now on. You may notice that you can vote multiple times. DON'T DO THIS. We get a log of all vote and WILL NOT COUNT ANY VOTES WHERE YOU'VE STUFFED THE BALLOT BOXES (even though we live near Chicago).]

Go to the March Crapness tab for the full rundown, up-to-date bracket and schedule.

Read the introduction to March Crapness here.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for updates. Tweet about March Crapness using the hashtag #crapness.

[Extra-special thanks to Murilee Martin for assisting with many of the photos. All photos as credited.]

Tiger's Wood PGA Racing (9) vs. Anton Lovett (1)

Tiger's Wood PGA Racing - Mercury Cougar

Ugly doesn't beging to describe the Tiger's Wood PGA Mercury Cougar, but the 'merican V8 under the hood absolutely howls when it's flogged. (Murilee Martin photo)
We've written about this car before, but it stands as one of the few crapcan testaments to Ford's Fox platform. The Cougar is blindingly fast and shockingly reliable, if nothing else. And if it's anything else, that something else is ugly. Extremely ugly. But looks don't win races, after all, and this car does. V8 Powaaaaaa! We hope more teams follow this example and bring Cougars and Fox-Body Lincolns to crapcan races.

Resume: ChumpCar - 1 Overall Win,  4 Top Tens; LeMons - 1 Overall Win, 4 Top Ten
First Round: def. Morrow's Auto 83-62

Anton Lovett - Your Car

Anton Lovett won the LeMons Drivers' Championship in 2012 by a wide margin, but he's as renowned for his wrenching abilities as his skill  behind the wheel. (Murilee Martin photo)

Traveling across the country to race in crapcans is something many teams and drivers wish to do, but Anton Lovett has done it regularly since carting the One Night Stand Endurance Team (ONSET) Chevy Cavalier wagon from his home state of California to the Detroit race in 2007, bringing home an Index of Effluency. ONSET eventually went away, but Lovett has continued to drive with other teams since, earning two National Drivers' Championships and a substantial LeMons hardware collection along the way while driving dozens of absolutely wretched and insane entries. He's been part of far too many Indexes of Effluency to count, but he did win a Heroic Fix trophy for himself by helping two teams make major repairs in the same weekend.

Resume: There's at least a 50 percent chanced Lovett has driven or fixed your car.
First Round: def. POS Racing 79-64

Team Sensory Assault (8) vs. The Cannonball Bandits (1)

Team Sensory Assault - Mazda RX-7, Mazda RX-2

Team Sensory Assault's addition of a second rotary-powered entry meant twice the headaches for those with sensitive ears. Look for the team to bring an even more insane Wankel-powered entry in the near future. (Murilee Martin photo)

We were once told that some LeMons race officials refer to this crew by an unflattering (to some anyway, but not to the Sensory Assualt crew) nickname. When uttered, everyone in race headquarters knows exactly who is being discussed. Sensory Assault are so named not only because the ear-splitting noise of their Mazda RX-7 is pervasive and painful, but also because they do crazy things on the drag strip and used the super-hot Wankel exhaust to smoke meat and later used coolant lines to run a still. The still-equipped-as-such RX-7 took home an Index of Effluency, as did the team's second entry--a Mazda RX-2 rescued from a collapsed barn that has since met an unfortunate end.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Indexes of Effluency, 1 Top Ten
First Round: def. Squirrels of Fury 27-14

The Cannonball Bandits -Toyota Supra, Toyota Corolla FX16

The Cannonball Bandits bring a sense of well-planned absurdity and a refreshing disregard for political correctness to racing. They're also reasonably fast on the track, but have typically finished mid-pack. (Murilee Martin photo)

In their latest incarnation, the Bandits raise money for charity with their Rockstar Toyota Supra while hanging out scantily clad in the paddock area (At your own risk, see an example here.). It's a sight to behold, but the four-time Organizer's Choice winners have exhibited a great spirit for excellent themes, from the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile replica to a tribute to Tiger Woods' fidelity issues to the border-crashing Canadian-trafficking "box truck" and complementary Border Patrol car. This team's passion for ridiculousness may be unparalleled in the crapcan world.

Resume: A well-earned reputation for turning LeMons into a circus
First Round: def.Eyesore Racing 106-61

California Mille (9) vs. Team Petty Cash (1)

California Mille -Alfa Romeo Alfetta/GTV6

California Mille's Alfa Romeos have been a staple of West Coast LeMons races since the days of the brutal infield-oval course at Altamont Speedway. The team's Alfetta finished in the Top 10 in their first race but didn't win overall for more than five years. (Murilee Martin photo)

We can't have a list of crapcans without including the car that became a favorite of ours through crapcan racing: the Alfa Romeo GTV6 (which we first fell in love with after seeing and especially hearing Corsa Nostra's unmuffled V6 at Gingerman in 2010). California Mille have campaigned their Alfetta(s) on the West Coast since the series' second race at Altamont in 2007 and finished in the Top 10 regularly. However, they didn't get over that last hurdle for an overall win until September 2012 with a win at The Ridge Motorsports Park.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Overall Win, 8 Top Tens
First Round: def. Z-Wrecks 22-16

Team PettyCash - Jeep Cherokee

A Jeep isn't the most logical choice for a road racer, some might say. Others on the Internet will claim that it should tip over at ever corner. PettyCash has proven naysayers wrong and their Cherokee has held up to the punishment of endurance racing. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team Petty Cash may have never won a race outright, but they're one of the best-known and most respected teams. And they race a freaking Jeep Cherokee on road courses. They've earned an Index of Effluency award for their troubles and also taken home a very messy I Got Screwed trophy from an unfortunate incident involving poor pre-stint food choices (Red Vines are not great for endurance racing, believe it or not). The team also runs a Jeep at King of Hammers, which is awesome.

Resume: LeMons - 4 Top Ten finishes, 1 Index of Effluency, 1 Class C win
First Round: def. Sputnik 145-26

Killer ZomBee (8) vs. Keystone Kops (1)

Killer ZomBee -MG MGB

Add captionThe ZomBee really does resemble the undead from certain angles. Many have tried to campaign British metal in crapcan racing, but none have succeeded in the way that Pete Peterson has. (Murilee Martin photo)

What can you say about Pete Peterson's weary old MGB? It famously flipped but was rescued by Peterson's magic hammer and has since gone on to win Index of Effluency and Class C at separate races. His ZomBee also earned the 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year award. The best part is...well, there are a lot of best parts: The car is Peterson's daily driver, the motor is borrowed, its tow/pit support vehicle is a crappy RV named Brownie, Peterson has driven the MG more than 900 miles to race it and--perhaps most frighteningly--it's a British car that runs most of the time.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Index of Effluency, 1 Class C Win, 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year, Peterson's daily driver
First Round: def. Team Operation 58-3

Keystone Kops - Volvo 240

The Keystone Kops have led in a number of races, but minor setbacks have prevented them from being the first stock-engined Volvo to win a race. For good measure, the team also added a V8-swapped 240 to its fleet. (Murilee Martin)

We haven't scoured through the numbers to back it up, but the Keystone Kops turbo Volvo 240 has probably run more races than any other crapcan. The team, run with at least some token help from some people at Volvo North America, also run a V8-swapped 240. They've come just short of winning on several occasions and are a good bet to be the first stock-engined Volvo to win a race. The team also uses the races as an opportunity to raise funds for the Alex's Lemonade Stand charity.

Resume: LeMons - 7 Top 10 finishes
First Round: def. Mid-Drive Crisis 41-26

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